i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
