do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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