If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
