he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
