Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
