Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
