Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
