Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
