Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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