omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
