so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
