right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
