so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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