like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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