Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
