woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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