did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
