Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
