That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
