This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
