he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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