i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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