It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
