I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
