Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
