I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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