I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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