She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
