did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
