New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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