As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
