sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
