Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
