When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
