No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
