I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think people are normalizing furries
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
