we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i now understand why vodka
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
