Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
