I cannot find my penis.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize