i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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