You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
