ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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