If i come over, it means nothing
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
