I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
