I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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