sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i dont even know how to be here
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
