rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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