I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize