so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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