you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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