How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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