So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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