Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
