If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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