woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
