I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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