Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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