You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
