OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
