don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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