I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
