College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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