Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
