Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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