i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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