After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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