someone threw a dead crab at me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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