He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
