I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
