I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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